Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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