haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
