Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
