Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
