Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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