hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize