First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
