he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
