Pappa wants mamma naked
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
