Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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