Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
