Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
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Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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