Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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