READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
