the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
