Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
