hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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