I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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