I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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