It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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