Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
