I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
