im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize