i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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