i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
