what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
