K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
