I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
