Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
