is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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