If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i will never coherently bang her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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