I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she smelled like a LAN party
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
