I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
In America we eat man semen.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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