Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
