so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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