We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
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I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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