Jerry, you need to find god
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
