i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
