Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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