I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
