I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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