Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
