I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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