He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize