i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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