i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
