dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
