For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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