So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
