He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i believe in u and ur pee
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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