I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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