put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
