JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
