hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
