Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i dont even know how to be here
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Im part way to drunk.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
