I wanna bring you to show and tell
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
FUCK WHALES
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
