we made out on top of his cat.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
