Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
