good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
