She's JV to your varsity
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
