I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
