He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
