Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just want nice things and good sex
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
