hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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