Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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