So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
