anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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