New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
