At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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