Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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