dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
