Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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