Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
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She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize