whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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