Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
