yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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