were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
