kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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