Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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