There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
