The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
